Wednesday, June 14, 2006

getting organized

when I was a teenager in suburbia I would go over to my friends’ houses and notice these intercom things built into the wall. you may have noticed them or even grown up with one in your own home. they are kind of like the intercom box at the gated community, cheap country club or fancy apartment building entrance. except these ones also go in your living room, kitchen, bedrooms, heck wherever, put one in your potato cellar if you want. the other difference is these play radio and I’ve seen ones with cassette decks too. I don’t think they survived into the era of mp3 or even compact disc; that is one venn diagram we may never see, but who knows? if my friend was up in his bedroom wasting time, his mom could tell him through the kitchen intercom to come down and vacuum. then mom can turn on KSL and listen to traffic and weather on the 9’s.
the same principal also gets applied to vacuum cleaner hose technology in some rich houses. where just about every room has a suction intake and all you need is the long flexi-ribbed hose to plug in. now your floor is nail-clipping-free, a lot fewer dust mites. it all empties into a big midden in the garage. it’s not enough to have electricity, plumbing & air ducts running through the house. we want them completely biological; with a mouth that speaks inside and out. conscious motion sensors aren’t quite eyes, but then again starfish don’t have it so bad. home security system pain receptors get wired into a decentralized thalamus like ADT or Peak alarm and so on. not quite anthropomorphic but we’re definitely getting there.

except in the case of this shampoo dispenser. not only does she have a face but we can see enough of it to tell that she also seems to have a gender. although I think the mouth could use a little work, still seems kinda robotic, don’t you agree? and is that soap for a tongue or is she being punished for coarse language? hard to tell. it’s also possible that I’m misconstruing the whole thing and this shampoo dispenser is neither gendered nor intelligent. but rather a simple integration of video intercom and shampoo dispenser technology. see who’s been using too much of your fancy conditioner, that kind of thing.
either way, it’s another set of hoses to run through your house behind the drywall so all the liquid soaps in all the bathrooms can be fully integrated. a veritable xylem and phloem of shower gels and stuff.

$40 from skymall


jo said...

xylem and phloem! man, this is a gem... I'm speechless.

Kylie said...

whoa, my family has the dispenser! tho, no mirror. just dispensers.

The Mediocre Gatsby said...

That would be creepy to have her staring at you when you shower.