Tuesday, May 09, 2006

where do mummies come from?

this is the Summum temple where, for the price of graduate school, you can arrange to have yourself or a loved one mummified. for maybe a little less they also mummify cats and parakeets (you cheapskate). is there anyone else around that even makes mummies anymore? not that I know of. these guys also make wine, communicate with summa individuals, and run a “peafowl sanctuary.” while visiting, you can tank up on their sacramental water (9am-5pm). and if you can get your bishop to issue you a food order you can even pick that up a couple blocks over.

man, do these guys have it covered. I mean in terms of immortality, there are appeals pending on egyptology, angels and aliens, and if all else fails there are peacocks and wine for the present. bases loaded. check out the website for all kinds of wisdom from yogis, gnostics, saints, Einstein and Morpheus (Lawrence Fishburne, yeah!).

all the same, none of us have a monopoly on immortality (I don't even like board games). we try botulism, mitsubishis, freezers, nanorobots, breakdancing (Fame) -singing “I’m gonna live forever, I’m gonna learn how to fly.” I can’t remember what else people have sung in ages past but I do remember the 1980s and nobody can take that away from me! anyway, how do you know that even when you have been made into a mummy they’re not just going to throw you in the furnace, use you to fuel a space shuttle or something later? I mean things are getting scarce these days, $3/gallon and I don't know if we have the patience for more dinosaurs.

4 comments:

kel said...

eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die. and then the day after that... soilent green.

"soilent green is mummified people." (the original script).

The Mediocre Gatsby said...

You should try to get Mummies to sponsor your blog. That would be awesome...

The Mediocre Gatsby said...

Or at least Franken Berry Cereal. Yeah, I know he's not a mummy, but they only have a ghost, a frankenstein, and a dracula - but at least it's a pretty clode association.

T.R. said...

yummy mummy was an actual cereal in Post's "monster cereals" department. some guy on "this american life" confronted them about it, and they denied that it ever existed. conspiracy?