Friday, July 04, 2008

The United States of Just Piss Anywhere and The United States of What’s Going On? What’s Going On?

The United States of Taffy and T-shirts
The United States of Pamper Yourself, You Deserve It
The United States of Pizza Night, Taco Night, Hamburgers
The United States of Where’s the Beef?
The United States of All You Can Eat
The United States of Who Wants Pancakes?
The United States of Great Big Fat People
The United States of Vegan People Who Do Yoga and Stuff
The United States of Mall Walkers
The United States of Wheelchair Access
The United States of Paper or Plastic
The United States of What Price Bananas? Who Killed the Pork Chops? Are You my Angel?
The United States of Yes, We Have No Bananas Today
The United Straits of Brother Can You Spare a Gallon?
The United States of B.Y.O. Body Armor
The United States of What, Me Worry?
The United States of Just Say No
The United States of No, Not In My Name
The United States of Ask Not and Don’t Ask
The Untitled States of It Can’t Happen Here
The United States of (I Sorry for What I Done) Here Your $600 Back
The United States of Rock n’ Roll
The United States of “Hell Yeah, I’m for Revolution. Let’s Have a Light Beer!”
The United States of Yee Haw!The United States of Intelligent Design
Some United States of Celebrity Governors
The United States of Places Named for Dead Indians
The United States of Real Live Indians!
The United States of Ospreys, Diving
The United States of Glossy Paperbacks by Tan Millionaires
The United States of Snow at 10,000 Feet
The United States of Fridges with Ice Machines
The United States of Halftime Shows
The United States of Smoke Detectors and Car Alarms
The United States of Cops: Atlanta
The United States of Precocious Technologies
The United States of Everyone’s Packin’
The Wireless States of Business Networking Solutions
The United States of Home, Auto, Health, Fire, Flood
www.myunitedstates.lol/whatev
The United States of Cell Phone Cameras
The United States of Summer Sales
The United States of Tie a Yellow Ribbon
The United States of Turn out Your Pockets and Remove Your Shoes
The United States with Two Small Children on a Seesaw
The United States of Free Ipods, Free Puppies, Free Lunch
The United States of Little Boxes and Big Boxes
The United States of Chaparral and Pinion Pines
The United States of Pawn Shops and Thrift Stores
The United States of Six More Superhero Movies…

8 comments:

eped said...

... I mean this is an ongoing list. I mean the way it works is to continue adding and growing; like GDP and manifest destiny, you know. where I come from July is a whole month of patriotism so take a moment whenever to contribute. for example:
The United States of Ferris Wheels and Water Slides
The United States of Gated Communities
The United States of Stars and Satellites Forever
The United States of Reality Franchise
and so on...

The Mediocre Gatsby said...

The United States of we made these robots to protect us.

The United States of the robots are thinking for themselves.

The United States of the robots are attacking.

The United States of we are all going to die.

(it's so very American)

erin said...

As the great Chevy Chase/Griswald said, "Hallelujah Holy Shit!"
That's what I have to say about this list.

T.R. said...

The United States of iArt
The United States of Ownership
The United States of You Can Stop Listening But You Can't Shut Me Up
The United States of I Guess You Can Shut Me Up By Calling Me A Terrorist
The United States of Do You Want To Win or Not?
The United States of Shooting Things
The United States of Road Trips on Bicycles Sometimes
The United States of Welcome World and Bring Plenty Euro

T.R. said...

Oh and my favorite is "The United States of Just Piss Anywhere".

cate said...

The United States of Sonic Burgers.

The United States of Staking Out A Spot, 3 days ahead and on someone else's lawn, For the 4th of July Parade.

The United States of Use Your Car to Get Places then Work Out at the End of the Day to Get Excercise.

Matt said...

The United States of new homes starting from the 180s!

eped said...

Matt, I think you nailed it. I almost hate to follow up with anything more, but, um, can’t help myself-

The United States of Straight White Teeth
The United States of Putting Greens and Elective Surgery
The United States of Pool Halls and Bail Bonds
The United States of Shooting the Shit at the Hardware Store
The United States of ALL 7th graders MUST have new immunizations
The United States of Sleeping Out on the Trampoline
The United States of Automatic Sprinklers
The United States of Lawyer Family Portraits on the Back of the Phonebook

Erin- yes, Chevy Chase is about as American as they come, a true patriot. I think the last thing netflix sent us was Fletch, aka “Dr. Rosen Rosen”

TR, Cate & Gatsby, thanks for the amendments! please feel free to keep them coming