Tuesday, July 31, 2007

proposals for meat lessons

one time I saw this movie about a guy in Italy who found a special book sitting in a dustbin. it was missing its cover and he spent the rest of the movie trying to find out what book it was.

here we have a cover but must ourselves stitch together the content; retro-engineer it if you will, like an impoverished eastern bloc regime. are you with me comrades? we need at least 10 lessons for the rising generation. I know you know about this stuff. what have experience and precept taught you about meat over the years?


The Mediocre Gatsby said...

10 lessons on Meat for use in schools. I can only think about 2 or 3 ways meat could be used in the school setting. I bet this book is a real eye-opener.

T.R. said...

I wonder if dissecting cow hearts and eyes counts as using meats in schools.

T.R. said...

we are predators. that's why we have eyes on the front of our heads and not the sides. so I think kids should know where every type of meat comes from. For the first few years of school, they have to call everything by what animal it comes from.

Beef = Cow
Hamburger = Cow Sandwich
veal = oppressed cow orphan
Pork = Pig
ham = pig
Bacon = Pig Belly
Sausage = pig tubes
tripe = intestine
mutton = sheep
lamb = lamb
gyro = lamb taco
black pudding = Cow blood brownie

eped said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
eped said...

TR & Gatsby right on, thanks guys. this should round out the first few chapters. I can also try to cash in some favors and get Rulon Gardner, the ghost of Dave Thomas or Mortimer Adler or someone to write a forward. but really, we’re going to need more. think of the children. think of the meat. for example:

meat is a fair conductor of electricity though it tends to dry out after a while.

sweetbreads are organ meats, sweetmeats are candy. don’t say I never warned you.

last I checked, Slimjims had “beef lips” and hostess cupcakes, “beef fat.”

veal calves are mostly male dairy cows that can’t be milked, because, you know.

and did you know that beef jerky comes in crispy chips now?

The Mediocre Gatsby said...

I thought of some more uses of meat - especially in survival situations:

Like Baccon strips can be used as bandages (as long as you are not concerned about infection).

Or if you have enough baccon, you can make a parachute out of it.

Also, if you are standed on an island, you can use sticks and baccon strips to build a shelter.

Or if you are trying to make cows mad, you can feel them cow brains.

You can also use meat as a joke: What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

Church pants??

The Mediocre Gatsby said...

I meant FEED them cow brains.

But I bet feeling them cow brains would make them mad too.