Saturday, March 29, 2008


T.R. & Mediocre Gatsby, you guys are my base, my regulars. but I feel like I need to round up more readership. I guess I'm not sure why; something about performance, numbers, ego, accountability, results. yesterday I was over at Via Negativa where Dave talks about all of this in terms of phoebes, Leadbelly and how now, in Japan, people are reading novels on their cell phones. so what’s a carnival barker to do?

actually, there are a few tactics I’m weighing. for example, I know a guy who changes blogs like I change pants. this has worked really well for him, and his readership now spans the commonwealth. but I'm afraid I couldn't keep this up without neglecting things like flossing, washing the dishes, watering the plants, and changing my own actual pants on a regular basis.

here are some other things I have tried or could try. of course, I am also open to your suggestions here.
  • I’ve been trying the Reader’s Digest approach and I’m not sure it’s taking so well.
  • I could pay a high school kid to dress up like a fishstick, a wookie, or a statue of liberty and stand out on the boulevard holding a sign for me.
  • strive for "excellence"
  • promotional t-shirts. promotional bottled water. promotional tote bags and chap sticks.
  • “just be myself” :)
  • voodoo
also, I want to reach out to you (“dear reader”/“my friend”/“folks”) with what we’ll call this blog’s new sunshine policy. yes, that’s right. in a move for truth and reconciliation, I’m putting a moratorium on the keyword verification for anyone who wants to leave a comment on fish without faces. this includes everyone: “anonymous” comments, dealers of fen fen, ephedra, ephemera and viagra, the botox spambot, you tired, poor, huddled masses, this blog's for you. I am embracing you with pale, low-humming monitor light.


Esteban said...

Emore eSpanish. Porfavor.

The Mediocre Gatsby said...

I was talking to Danny and he's gonna start coming up with some ideas to spread the good word for you.

Kylie said...

Oh hey! I read, but I am a bad commenter. Mainly because I read my blogs through Google Reader and so I usually just continue onto the next one. Anyway, maybe you should make some commercials and post them on youtube.

eped said...

ya mero Esteban, aguantate güey.

gosh, thanks Danny. I'll make it worth your while. I think I may have some M*A*S*H pogs somewhere.

Kylie, yes, youtube. why didn't I think? I could hire out some skywriting and video it to youtube. maybe an applause track. thank you

kel said...

a good rant every now and then can bring in the comments.

T.R. said...

on word (maybe it's two normally, but the internet likes to combine those things into one word): linkbait.

but you realize that would constitute selling out. which i support.

Ron & Jessica said...

i don't have anything to say, I just wondered what it would be like to post a comment without taking a Turing Test.

Jess said...

If your interested in picking up your comment count, you could always throw in a few "deleted by author" comments that you actually have deleted yourself. It beefs your comment numbers up and people are left wondering what controversial thing the author wrote before deleting it. I guess along those lines throwing in a few "removed by blog administrator" comments would even add to the mystery and controversy.

eped said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
eped said...

thanks for all the tips guys. Jess I thought about deleting your comment to generate controversy but didn't want you to take it the wrong way.

I've been looking into t-shirt cannons as sort of a linkbait and turing test in one. I know people respond to t-shirt cannons for parades, high school sports and stuff. and I think one could effectively tell a computer from a person by monitoring the subject's physiological response to t-shirt cannonade. that and they're only like $200!

Jonathan said...

Don't be a fool, enjoy your pastoral life!

eped said...

oh, ok