Saturday, May 05, 2007

one political ear candle

my faithful subscribers,

I take full responsibility for what has just happened. this weeblog was never supposed to be a place for serious political dialogue or for serious anything else. but in the course of a year of posting deeply personal nonsense for a pitiably small elite readership of bored friends, family and strangers, this was bound to happen at some point, right? like I said, I blame myself fully. I’m sorry alright. I said I was sorry.

anyway, I’ve got a solution. a proposal for redirecting anything even vaguely political and depositing it in one central location. here it is, it’s right here. I mean you are here. this is the place.

last night I watched/listened off and on to about 40 minutes of a “debate” between a local crusty monomaniacal mayor and a national AM radio wiseass. the mayor was all about impeaching the president. you'd think he forgot about the many, more assailable monsters within his reach. you’d think he forgot there was a monster movie on the other channel. pure hoodia. I have to admit that whenever I hear the word impeach or impeachment, like a 4th grader, I immediately imagine some disgraced middle aged white man in a suit reluctantly being enveloped by a big peach. it’s an involuntary response, the image that leaps into my mind’s eye, and I can’t get past it.

so we were watching it in my father-in-law’s living room where he’s got a new TV with a bunch of channels. and like I said, on one of the other channels was this old movie with two sweaty uniformed guys in fisticuffs. they were grappling in the jungle when a native guy threw a knife into one’s back, dropping him almost instantly before the other one, sort of a poor man’s Ernest Borgnine in a captian’s hat, shot a round from his pistol at the retreating native. then there was a girl and, it seemed, some sort of love triangle and so on. we changed the channel again.

eventually we stumbled back onto the throwdown between the increasingly hoarse mayor and the AM asbestos lawyer loudmouth. actually this channel was just the audio from the shouting match and the video from the jungle movie. (yeah, I really don’t know.) but by now they were back on impeachment while captain hat guy, the girl and others were watching from a clearing as 3 evenly spaced tyrannosaurs rexes approached on the horizon. and every once in a while we got a close up of a dinosaur face: early 60’s cheapness like a rubber sock puppet. I mean who ever heard of a rubber sock? the people began firing their pistols and then smoke grenades at the 3 advancing rubbery sock puppet dinosaurs. I won’t spoil it for you. but it was all set to the score of barking ideologues filmed before an ornery studio audience. this alternative media presentation unlocked a vision to me and my thoughts drifted back into the peach.

I saw the 3 of them; crusty mayor, asbestos mouth and the president, all confined to the inside of a big peach. like general Zod and the Kryptonian riffraff and something out of Roald Dahl. the three of them peached up together, floating though space, with an eternity to work out their differences.

what items should they have for their infinite journey of self-discovery? I’m going to say no booze, ‘cuz you know. but otherwise it’s your call folks. first aid kit, Superman comic books, rubber socks, more birthday cake, a gazebo, any pets, you tell me. and I’m going to start by giving them a few Neil Young albums and the wherewithal for listening. I don’t know, maybe some booze would be a good thing. like I said, this is where you can tell the tow-truck to unhitch all your political baggage.

1 comment:

The Mediocre Gatsby said...

This is one brilliant, yet confusing post. One of my favorites.

They should have not just rubber socks, but full rubber body suits. Because if they are going to be eating the walls of the peach (which I would assume they are), They wouldn't want to get their sweat or lints from their clothes on the peach.

And since this is a mission to allow them to work out their differences, pehaps a unifying kind of game to play - maybe pictionary.