Friday, May 19, 2006

simonizing the pentagon

can you think of any metonym that has been more nationally significant in the last 5 or so years than the Pentagon? no really, this isn’t a rhetorical question, there have got to be tons of better ones if you’d just help me come up with some. I’m ready with pencil and paper whenever you are. all the same, I bet all those people working at the pentagon think the fact that every day their security clearance gets them into such a cryptic metonym is awfully impressive. and it doesn’t hurt that your clearance also gives you instant access to what looks like at least 15 different dining establishments and food services! mall & drive-thu favorites like taco bell, sbarro, kfc, subway, dunkin’ donuts, mc donalds, baskin robins and even the nice sit down types like pizza hut. sbarro and pizza hut under one roof; bureaucratic decadence!

my cousin, who is working there this summer, made the observation that there’s a 6:5, starbucks to building sides radio. our military complex, possibly the world’s largest office building, runs on a lot of gourmet caffeine. “you gotta see it to believe it.”

now, I know people have different feelings about the pentagon. but if the American people had some way to relate to what’s going on there I think there could be a lot more understandment, you know? since Nixon, a lot of us have associated the pentagon with lies and killing, but nobody wants to see more planes flown into it. that doesn’t help anything. so it looks like what we have is a major national PR problem at a critical point in time. how do we make the pentagon seem accessible and friendly to 300 million Americans, and to our international neighbors?
considering what we do know about Americans, and our global niche in media exports, the answer seems quite simple.

[this might be a convenient spot to pause and have your broker buy you some Milton Bradley/Hasbro stock. trust me, this is hot.]

ok, ready? all we need to do is add another side onto everyone’s favorite electronic, tactilely interactive memory game! could there be a more elegant solution? (this one is a rhetorical question; there is absolutely no other solution.) kids and adults alike not only begin to feel they understand what’s going on out there in Arlington but they also get a refresher course in hsas terror color coding. in typical free market fashion, patents are then taken out on defcon simon keychain minis, a dance dance revolution version, product placement in more remakes of war games, close encounters and stuff… [I’m tellin ya’, buy those Hasbro shares while you can still afford them.] isn’t this a lot more genial than all that big brother business anyway? don’t even get me started on “Simon says” metonymy.

3 comments:

Lindsey said...

Brilliant!

The Mediocre Gatsby said...

That's interesting. I wonder if they pay less for a slice of pizza at the pentagon just because it's the pentagon and if you don't give them a discount then they black ball you... or is everything more expensive like at the airport?

Sorry, I can't think of a more nationally significant metonym from the last five years. First I had to look up metonym in the dictionary, but then I keep thinking "cup?" No. That just refers to a cup. "Hand?" No... Sorry. I got nothin.

kel said...

guys - i think it's obvious: the next terrorist attck on the U.S. will be carried out via Starbucks.

hello... caffine... W.O.W.... need i say more?